I notice in the way it hurts before i tell you something beautiful. I notice in the way I swallow my tongue every time i wanna ask you for something. I notice in the way I give in. In the way I let you. In the way I give you. I notice when everything you say is worth a fortune to me. I notice when I miss you and when your name pops up every time I open my mouth. I notice when your silly and how you hate when I touch your belly. I notice in the way I'm grateful and in the ways I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I notice when you laugh at me. I notice when you care. I notice when you do your art, I notice when you keep me waiting. I notice when you make me dinner and desperately wants to know what I think. I notice when you wake me up. I notice when you say something stupid or when you don't understand me. I notice when you try. I notice when I leave. I notice in the way you look at me sometimes. I notice in the way I always try and stop myself from thinking of the future, I notice in the way I tear up when I do. I notice in your accent and when you sing. I notice when you tell me the truth. I notice when you tell me very long stories. I notice in your charm. I notice when you have a cigaret and how you think your chubby when your not. I notice when you open the door for me. I notice when I can see in every fiber of you body that you love it when I call you baby. I notice every time your sleeping and I'm wide awake.. I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me.

Scarf, big and brown.

When everyone around you needs some light, be the light.

Things to do to not get bored when you're having a cold:

 

1. Watch a movie ( ofc ), preferable one that makes you cry, cos when your body's sick your emotions are too. This makes you feel whatever for something that doesnt make you seem depressed, lonely or sad for no reason.

2. Sleep away the time, if you can. Sleep is the best medicine and time passes by faster.

3. Call your family or friends, someone that is not bothered by you talking for a bit and someone that makes you feel happy. It's a great way to give time to people.

4. Tidy may sound boring but if you put some music on and organize your wardrobe or things hat you like, it will become peaceful and it gives you something else to think about.

5. Read a book if the headache is not to bad.

6. Paint your fingernails and toenails. You have all the time in the world. If you have enough energy you can also scrub your feet so they're nice and clean. It's super good when you have a cold cos you may feel disgusting.

7. Do something creative that does not take that much energy from you, like blogging, writing, sketching, whatever art you can do in your bed.

8. Eat something simple and healthy, who doesn't enjoy eating? And forget the hole I have no appetite cos I cant taste the food, you can still feel it and and like it anyway. It's all in the head. If eating is not your thing or your on a diet, just have your favorite tea then.

9. Get nostalgic, look at old family photos of when you were a baby and remind yourself how lucky you are to have family and friends around you.

10. Crave some love from boyfriend of mami, you're sick your allowed to need it!

Off to montmartre to meet stephi and aidee for hot chocolates and ciggies. Paris is getting cold, I have to buy a scarf.... yeeey. I dont know if its just me but im longing for the cols winter snow so that i can wear winder clothes!! I dress way to hot already.

Stephanie et moi, thecno parade. Happy times in paris.

when i read a book, I jump into pages, walk there between the lines and taste the feelings shared in there. I live in there for a while, process things there, that I've never even seen or been through. I go along with it. I take on the role. Just Kids made me a poet and lover of art. Things are said about art, in this book, that inspires people to see. Well it inspired me. But it also made me hate it. How Patti can find such beauty in things that are so horrible. Well artists are tragic they say, they say that they're beautiful. Just like Patti, but art is not depression nor drugs or tears. Charms maybe but, it does not define art. Art makes me smile, it sets me free. But without my life having to be an accident. Patti's life was poor and she didn't have a lot to choose from, but she found beauty in it. Its wonderful to read her mind, but it makes me sad to see art so black. Not in her really, but in Robert the photographer. It scares me a bit, to see someone love a person like that so much, but if someone was meant for it, it must have been Patti. She loves him so well. But walking next to those feelings, that simple loving of a mind so closed and frustrated shakes me. Makes me worry. Worry a lot. It shows a dark side of art that scares me, but still it's magnificent. It's another perfect book.

Patti Smith is sharing every little detail, it seems, of her life as a young woman. As an struggling artists she gives up thoughts of studying and she sets of to New York. This is where she starts developing what I think is a very beautiful but complex relationship with the Robert character. They grow together as artists, and she shares the most brilliant moments she had during this time in her life. The amazing people she met and all the thoughts she had. There's a lot of pictures in the book, and poems from the time she and Robert was young. It's very focused on Robert all the time, written in his honor. He died in AIDS. It's really a good book. Read, read, read.

Jag önskar att dom orden kom från mig.

I found a card of Trocadero from 1932, it's a place I havent thought much about but stept on from time to time. Trocadero metro station is the one where I always change to get to my baby, I've felt many things walking around there, underground. I've met up with my best friend there, talked to my mother on the phone there. I sat there in the rain watching people from all over the world running pass me, trying desperetly not to let the raindrops touch. I always think of the soda and I always say it in swedish, cos it's the same. Trocadero.

Making money in paris and spending it at H&M, feeling guilty for not having the energy of finding cool shops that accually is not swedish nor exist in sweden. Other than that im feeling pretty good about being away, I can only expand my life here.

Goodnight moon, goodnight balloon, goodnight house, goodnight mouse, goodnight nobody, goodnight air, goodnight tre bears sitting on chairs.

This is market pics, just a few, of the things that I saw today.

Off to the biggest market in paris, sunday morning.

September 10th 2011 I was sweatting in thin, blue jumpsuit. Drinking that perfect smoothy in the heart of Paris. I also stubled by the I love you wall in montmartre before starting the day will lovely stephanie. I realized I had been walking pass that wall a million times as it is right next to abesse metro station. So silly really, what you miss when your head is in the clouds.

skype dates!

Fläta, braid, galon.

I'm like a virgin again, have staid away from art so long i can feel how much ive lost. But starting again.

im inlove, and it goes on repeat. It's safe cos i know that when it ends it will start all over again. It will never end. It wont let me go and if I run away from it, it will still be in my head and in my voice, my breaths, my steps, my fingertips, my sleep, my heart.

Project of 2011 will be something like building up towers that fell flat in 2010, the year of crapy lessons and no luck what so ever. I still have trash in my room to through out, its been lingering here trying to look pretty but trash never does. It's always dirty.